The problem I can’t ever stomach.

ImageSo here I am, once again, in this familiar kind of pathetic situation wherein I yearn for a man who’s a total catch and who might possibly turn my world upside down.

I think I’ve written something that goes, “The moment I turned 18, I feel like I’m so independent and I don’t need someone in my life who can make me happy in a romantic kind of way.” Funny thing though, just a semester after that, I find myself desperately wanting to have someone I can keep my eye on. You can never blame me after all. I mean, everybody might I agree that it feels good to at least have a guy who can give you butterflies and cliche thoughts you can ever produce.

I don’t know what has gotten me into this, but yeah, I’m eighteen years old already and never have been asked for a date. It follows that I’ve never gone into relationships my whole life and this one sounds suck but yeah, I’m also a virgin freak slash loser. Either I’m too picky or hard to accept, too lack of allure. I can’t really formulate of a reason why.


Maybe I can contribute my unfortunate situation to the complete complication of my country when it comes to gay relationship. Not that I’m trying to preach gay rights and all that. I just really find people here stupid. Like for one thing, I’ve known qualified guys based on my standards whom I might possibly have relationship with. But since they are 1.scared they might end up being humiliated. 2.kind of having second thoughts that maybe they are male when in fact they act way more effeminate than I am. 3.much looking to the “right side of the road.”

Up until now, I haven’t found the energy and enlightenment yet to their pleas.

Having left with no option, I use to stay at the internet  hoping to find a guy outside my country who can rock my boat totally. Within couple of years of comfortably talking to different strangers across the world, the very idea of not having a relationship with a guy who currently lives at this country, has been permanently tattooed inside my mind. Well, by far, I think it is a safest idea I can guarantee to my anger management.

Basically, I have to fly a thousand miles just in case I opt for a fairy tale ish kind of thing. Meanwhile, I have to enjoy the mindset of these people around me.


Published by

The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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