It has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I’ve been broken, crushed, and hurt. I’ve spent one night crying my heart out. I’ve spent one afternoon feeling disappointed. I’ve spent one morning being just sad.
I have strayed away from your grip. I have tested the water, to know if I’m strong, to know if I can make it, to know if I’m capable to be on my own. But the truth is, I realize that I am not as good as I think I am.
I say the wrong thing, I commit a mistake, I fall down, I fail, I cry, I regret. And I am imperfect. I can’t stand alone on my own two feet. I still need You. I need Your guidance, I need Your light, I need You love.
I am not as good as I think I am. I have prided myself with the things that I achieved in the past, forgetting it’s You who put me to where I am right now. I have lost the humility — and I don’t like it. I don’t like to be overconfident. I don’t like to be arrogant. I don’t like to be so sure about everything.
I am not as good as I think I am. I have repeated this to myself like a mantra. Not to bring me down, but to remind myself that I am just exactly like everyone. I’m no different than them. I have my moments of ups and downs. And I think that’s okay.
I am not as good as I think I am. I have fears. I have worries. I have anxiety. I feel pressured. I feel humiliated. I feel terrible. I am imperfect.
And I ask you God, to wash away my sins. I want to come back to You. I want to be beside You, holding Your hand, knowing that I am safe with Your loving heart.
Please take my broken heart and heal it. Please cleanse my soul. Please sooth my troubled mind.
Because I need You, I truly do.