I finished reading a book tonight. The moment I got to the last sentence; memories came flooding in my mind – not from some scenes in the book but from a special place in my past. I was being brought back to a certain, important moment of my life.
I zoned out and when I closed my eyes, my feet were once again touching the carpeted floors and I could see the four-lane streets below the building. I immediately felt all the blood inside of me running wildly. I could convince myself that it was real but I knew better that when I opened my eyes – I would be reminded of where I am.
It was so different back then and it seemed – to me – like it was all just a dream. I know I should probably stop writing about what happened to me over one year ago, but I don’t know, I just feel like that part of my life was so important to forget and bury somewhere. It was a huge turning point in my story and I am one hundred percent positive that I wouldn’t have some great lessons to share and tell the world if it weren’t for all the pain, heartache, and lost love that I experienced.
At 21, I was pretty much lost. Maybe I had an idea of who I was but I didn’t know what I wanted for myself. I was so confused about everything in my life and along the way, I forgot who I was. As I look back, I think that the biggest factor why I couldn’t recognize myself anymore was that I spent a lot of time with people and almost no time for myself. I became a combination of those I surrounded myself with and somehow my identity vanished out of thin air.
I was deprived of the chance to be in my own head for a really long time, away from the influence and opinions of others.
But maybe it was also because I was so young and inexperienced and completely oblivious about how the world works, how real life works.
Some nights like right now, I could scream and admit to the world that yes, I regret the decisions that I made. But a tiny part of me wanted to stand strong for the beliefs and principles that pushed me to say goodbye to everyone and everything that made me feel unhappy.
There are a lot of things that I am thankful to have in my life right now because of the changes that I embraced, and it will be unfair to hate myself and wish I could go back and do things differently. This is my reality now and even though I am disheartened about some parts of it, I know that at the moment – I have no choice but be okay with it
I am learning to be careful with the people that I put in my life. And I am brave enough to walk away from anyone who drags me down, slows the process of my growth, and doesn’t care about the person that I am becoming.
At 23, I am more concerned about building myself and developing the skills and talents that I have. I want to be successful in the later part of my 20s and be more successful in my early 30s. Sometimes I forget that I am literally young and I have decades ahead of me to meet the people who are going to be my best-friends.
Besides, there are thousands of strangers all across the globe right now who appreciate me and love what I am doing. I get a lot of messages from different people who express their gratitude for the articles that I am putting out there. I am inspiring thousands of people every week and that is a million times better than having people in real life who take me for granted.
Internet has been a better place for me because that’s where I meet different writers from the other side of the world that I consider best-friends. It just sucks that I can’t hang-out with them, but I’m still grateful to have them in my life.
I get love from people online and in a strange way, I feel like I belong in the communities that we are creating virtually.
In conclusion, I believe that I am stuck at where I am at this very second because this is where I am meant to be for the meantime. I just need to grab the opportunities that are being thrown in my way to make myself busy. There are tons of activities that can make me truly happy and satisfied. I think I need to stop overthinking my situation and remind myself about the fact that I literally have no time.
Social media has taken my life by storm and it’s getting most of my time nowadays. But I am not complaining, because I love every part of it.
People on the internet need someone like me more. And that statement alone should be a big reminder that I am actually going places.