This Is How You Remind Me What Truly Matters

Dear God,

You really have a strange way of making me understand my life, my journey. You don’t want me to think that the choices I’ve made are purposeless. You want me to see everything clearly, find reasons, know the answers to my whys.

I’ve stumbled upon this website called: instant street viewer. I’ve known it before, used it before. Whenever I’m missing a certain place, I’ll just visit the site and type the address of where I want to be.

I chose the place I lived for 8 months. I didn’t exactly know why. I just felt like I wanted to revisit it, and made myself feel like I was there again. I picked the part where I’d go down from a bus stop and walk home. It was so funny that I still knew every single direction to my apartment. It’s as if I could navigate my way even when my eyes closed.

The feeling was all TOO familiar, as I passed through the street using the cursor, instead of my feet. Immediately, a sense of longing and nostalgic poured inside of me. Everything felt so near, yet far so away. I remember all the details that I saw. I can’t believe that part of my life ended abruptly.

I used to walk on those streets every day of my life, and… it was disheartening how I took those moments for granted, not knowing that one day they’d soon end. I wonder how many times I walked on the same cul-de-sac, how many times I smelled that distinct odor, how many times my heart fluttered as the wind brushed my hair.

I remember how lucky I was to be living somewhere different.

But then, when I was on my halfway through my old apartment, I realize how the park in front of me reminded me so much of how young I was at that time.

I remember how stupid, and ignorant, and emotional, and weak I was. I remember all the reasons why I should not look back. I rolled my eyes and contemplated whether I should close the screen. But then a part of me wanted to finish what I already started. So I pushed through.

10 minutes to the building. I saw the grocery store where I bought my snacks on late afternoons. I saw the car shop — I used to think how amazing it would be to work there, because my place was close to it. I saw the spot where I dropped my phone. Everything was still fresh in my mind. It was only less than a year of me living there, yet I couldn’t forget all those memories that I experienced.

I tilted the screen to look up at the sky. This was the part when I said I wanted to go home. This was the part when I was so crushed on the inside and nobody knew or understood why. Nobody wanted to know or care. This was the part that I asked You why.

5 minutes to the building. Those establishment I saw on both sides of the street were old (this website wasn’t updated). I saw men in their traditional dresses. They used to frighten me in the beginning. But they made me realize that the world is actually a safe place.

I was below the building that I lived. I couldn’t go inside. Guess they left that part for privacy reasons. I looked around. Turned around and round. Checked the sky. The street. I was here. I used to live here. I’ve made lots of choices. LOTS.

I admit I missed everything. Ugh. Too much emotion. It was getting hard to explain.

I moved on to the main street where I rode a bus to get to work. Again, I knew the direction by heart. I saw the big grocery mall I went into — even at 11 pm. That was such a fun experience — midnight grocery shopping. Think I should write about that one day. That was such a movie moment experience.

A long stretch of road. I saw the bench I sat on a late summer afternoon. My body was sweating and I was unable to cry because I was SO dehydrated. (Middle East problem)

I saw the city mall. Again, I missed it.

I’ve had enough. It was too much time, too much memories, too much looking back.

Towards the end of it, I felt okay. I have learned that my emotions are confusing me a lot of times, especially during this age. I wanted one thing and then hated it. I left one place and wanted to go back again. I admit that sometimes, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I want to be.

I’m hot and cold. I’m young and impulsive.

But I guess that’s what You want me to learn.  You want me to learn how to control my emotions. And maybe one day I will. I’ll just have to give myself time.

Some days I missed the cities that I left. But as I closed the window on my computer, I knew in my heart that I was happy with the final decisions I made. I’m happy with where I am. I’m happy to be with the people that I love, and who love me.

I get confused once in a while, but I think that, what You’re wanting me to learn is — knowing exactly what’s really important to me.

And ultimately, this is what is important to me.

Amen.

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I Know That With You, I Can Always Make It Through

Dear God,

I know You’re pushing me to my limits. I know You only want the best for me. These trials, struggles, and challenges that You put in front of me only help me become the person that You’re planning me to be. These hardships that I’m experiencing right now slowly brings me to the place that I’m meant to head on.

So thank You after all.

Thank You for guiding me when I’m in doubt in my journey. And I trust you to continually lead the way.

I trust You with all your plans. I trust You because I know You will always be here whenever I call Your name. You will strengthen me. You will push me to go through.

And You remind me that with You, there is nothing to worry about.

Amen.

17 March 2017 | 6:56 PM

I Always Want To Be With You.

Dear God,

Thank you for bringing me back to my heart. It’s always good to be by Your side. I want to always hold Your hands because when I’m with You, I’m safe. When I’m with You, I’m able to live life with purpose. When I’m with you, I can breathe calmly. When I’m with You, I feel loved.

I’m recovering slowly by slowly. I’m growing. I’m changing. I’m evolving. Because that’s what you want me to do — to be better. And I will follow whatever path You want me to walk. I trust You. I believe in You, not only now, not only tomorrow, not only when I’m sad, not only when I’m happy, but always. I will keep believing in You.

I know there’s a lot to learn. I know there are more room for improvement. I know that sometimes my journey gets challenging. I know sometimes I will stumble and fall down. But I also know that You’re always there to help me back up. I know You’re always there to heal me with Your love.

I know You will never leave me no matter what, and I promise not to stray away from You again. I don’t know how I can live my life without You.

You are the only one I get my energy from. You are my inspiration when my hope is fading. You are a reminder for me to keep living for the ones who love me, for others, for the world.

You will always have my heart before others.

Amen.

After All These Times, You Still Save Me.

Dear God,

It has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I’ve been broken, crushed, and hurt. I’ve spent one night crying my heart out. I’ve spent one afternoon feeling disappointed. I’ve spent one morning being just sad.

I have strayed away from your grip. I have tested the water, to know if I’m strong, to know if I can make it, to know if I’m capable to be on my own. But the truth is, I realize that I am not as good as I think I am.

I say the wrong thing, I commit a mistake, I fall down, I fail, I cry, I regret. And I am imperfect. I can’t stand alone on my own two feet. I still need You. I need Your guidance, I need Your light, I need You love.

I am not as good as I think I am. I have prided myself with the things that I achieved in the past, forgetting it’s You who put me to where I am right now. I have lost the humility — and I don’t like it. I don’t like to be overconfident. I don’t like to be arrogant. I don’t like to be so sure about everything.

I am not as good as I think I am. I have repeated this to myself like a mantra. Not to bring me down, but to remind myself that I am just exactly like everyone. I’m no different than them. I have my moments of ups and downs. And I think that’s okay.

I am not as good as I think I am. I have fears. I have worries. I have anxiety. I feel pressured. I feel humiliated. I feel terrible. I am imperfect.

And I ask you God, to wash away my sins. I want to come back to You. I want to be beside You, holding Your hand, knowing that I am safe with Your loving heart.

Please take my broken heart and heal it. Please cleanse my soul. Please sooth my troubled mind.

Because I need You, I truly do.

Amen.

I Am Forever Yours, Only Yours.

Thank you God,

For allowing me to see this beautiful sunset.

For making my heart warm

As I watch the sky turns from orange to a dark hue of blue.

 

You know exactly that this is one of the things

That gives me comfort.

 

Thank you God,

For always making me feel like I’m home.

I’ve been through so much darkness

At this very young age.

But You’re there

To give light to my way.

 

You’re there to make me realize

That you have better plans for me.

You’re always there to remind me

That I am exactly where I need to be.

 

Thank you God

For all the conversations we have,

For speaking through my heart,

For guiding me to the right path.

 

Thank you God

For helping me to see the beauty in present,

For guiding me to live my life

Not one step backwards

Neither one step forward,

And to simply be happy.

 

I can’t physically feel You wipe my tears,

But I know that you wash them away

With Your love.

 

And that is why I’m never going to stop thanking You.

Let God be your guide in 2017

When you’re confused about which degree you should be pursuing in college or which university suits best for you in 2017, ask God to give you wisdom. Sit in one place where you can find peace and calmness then listen to Him through your heart. You can reach Him with your silence. He already knows your doubts and all it takes is for you to talk to Him and let him lead you to His way — to the path that He is aiming for you to take.

God only wants the best for all of us even if sometimes we are having a rough time understanding His plans.

When you’re frightened to apply for a job you’re dreaming to achieve in 2017 because your mind tells you you’re not ready yet, pray to God that He gives you strength. Let Him take care all your fears of failures and rejections. God recognizes your hopes and wishes before you even utter them to Him. He knows exactly what gives you reason to live another day and what burns the fuel in your soul. So go ahead and click that submit button or forward that resume to the HR department and trust that God will do the rest.

When you’re so lost and can’t figure out your goals in 2017, open a Bible and read it. You will be surprised at how enlightening it can be to your morale and how uplifting it is to your already dripping spirit. Let the life of Jesus inspire you to help people who have no means of returning the favor you gave them. Let Jesus heal you through His words and testaments to everyone He met on His journey here on earth. Let Christ’s forgiveness be a motivation for you to forgive yourself and forgive others too.

Sometimes it takes all your willpower to turn a single page of a Bible into the next, but allow God to help you learn your purpose in life.

Let God guide you to the uncertainties you will be undertaking in 2017 and leave to Him everything that you have no power of controlling. Open your 2017 big with God by your side and face the New Year with your arms wide open. Be confident with the love that He has for all of us and know that He will not leave us for the dark times that we will be experiencing in 2017.

I hope that in 2017 you can find a new set of dreams to hope for, a new person you can fall in love with, and strangers you can consider as lifetime best-friends. I wish that this year, you can finish your degree proudly after so many years of struggle. I wish that you can be happy again after going through a messy divorce or a bad break-up. I wish that you can finally go after what you really want after all these times of holding back. I pray that in 2017 you can find the voice that’s going to inspire people and touch so many hearts. I pray that God will make you even stronger, compassionate, fearless, and loving human being that the world needs more of in 2017.

Be positive that 2017 is going to the best year of your life and trust God with all His promises, because He will never betray you.