For the person who will not be you

i wanted to write you love songs, thousands of unspoken words i failed to deliver in your presence.
all these feelings i wish to mold into a glorious craft.
but you didn’t deserve them.
no you didn’t.

when you said my voice was the melody you wanted to hear first in the morning.
you lied.
when you said my eyes were the stars you wanted to see last at night.
you lied.

you fizzled my glimmer of hope for fairytales and happy endings.
you burned down the bridge i was building all along for both of us.
you destroyed me in ways i couldn’t repair myself.

no amount of apologies can scour the agony you shepherd in my life.

so shoutout to all the acts that aid you to fool me,
i learned to trust my gut.
so shoutout to all the time i felt lonely by your side,
i learned to love myself.

one day i will peel the metal i protected my heart with.
for the person who’ll handle it with caution.
for the person who’ll fix the disarray in my soul.
for the person who’ll hold my hands when i’m scared.
for the person who’ll laugh with me on romantic movie endings and cry with me on tragic movie endings.
for the person who’ll share earphones with me on train rides.
for the person who’ll stay with me at 2 am through sleepy slur conversations about life.
for the person i’ll write songs about.
for the person who’ll not be you.

i might be someone who recognized love and jumped then went home crying with a broken heart.
but one day.
i will be someone who will grow a brave soul and a clever mind then go home celebrating with a light heart.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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