The winter you said we would always have tomorrow together.

We met on a freezing winter night in that small town I haven’t heard or knew existed before. The moment I opened that door and saw your face, I knew right then right there that you’d play an important role in my life. I approached you and you asked me what I want while my brain suddenly froze and unable to process what I just heard. You gave me that confident smile as if knowing it’s not unusual you captivate people that quickly. I felt embarrassed the whole time I was standing there but you made this incredible effort to make me feel comfortable.

You asked me what I was doing around not even bothering to know first who I was and what I lived for. You were so different you stood out from the rest and I think that’s why I took a chance on you without any second-guesses. You said you’d close down your smoothie café and insisted me to go for a ride with you. My heart plummeted all the way down to my stomach utterly unable to bring myself to believe that such movie moment could in fact happen in real life. You sensed I was freaking out and so you then proceeded to tell me, “Southern hospitality still exists.”

That was how we met. That was a magical milestone in my life. That was how I would always remember that night.

We spent the next few days with our jackets and coats on while you drove me to places you promised could give me butterflies. You said you hated any music that did not play on the radio so we kept on listening on random songs that occasionally let us belt at the top of our lungs. You invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with your family all the while assuring me that everything would be alright and you’d drive me home to make it on time in our Thanksgiving. I felt so special that when I looked at the stars in a cloudless breezy winter night, I wonder what I did in life to deserve someone like you.

You gave me unfathomable series of fireworks and confetti and spray painted colors in my black-and-white life. I felt so damn good each breathing moment and every morning I woke up knowing I had you to look forward to during the day. It was like suddenly the world made so much sense to me after all these times that I couldn’t figure it out.

Until our time together finally came to an abrupt the night I told you I’d be flying home the next day. I used all my willpower not to ball my eyes out but to no avail. You hugged me tightly and whispered to my ears that we’d figure it all out, we’d find ways to meet again, and we’d make efforts to make “us” work. That was the winter you said we would always have tomorrow together.

All year long I was waiting for winter to come so I could have a glimpse at you again but I guess it’s unnecessary now since you moved to study abroad. I lied when I replied I was happy about your decision. I wish you knew I was so crushed on the inside. Our distance away from each other made it harder for me to know what our status was.

What happened to your promise of tomorrow together? Did we just grow up so fast in a year in our separate ways that we eventually turned out to be the person we couldn’t recognize anymore? Had our situations still almost the same, would we be glad to re-connect and continue what we started?

I hope that wherever you are, you think of me as you see the first snowflakes make their way down in your city. I hope that when you accidentally listen to a current song on the radio, you remember the laughter we had in your car.  I hope that even if we end up in different places, know that somewhere back home someone still keeps missing the way you made him feel.  I hope one day we’ll have another chance to have our paths come across again and finally have tomorrow together.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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