Looking for magic.

Six weeks on my second job and somehow I believe I’ve already adjusted to the norms, although not completely — I’m still convincing myself.

The first couple of weeks were the toughest. The risk of potentially pulling myself out was so high it would scare everyone who believed in my abilities and chose me to be part of their team. The only thing that made things extra rough for me was the place that I was in. I could never see any reason why I should fall in love with Manila, let alone feel the magic. But I tried to hold on as much as I could and while it’s true that six weeks were just short span of time measurement, I’m proud of the growth that I journeyed on since day 1.

Having a full time job means I get to put off creative things that I’ve always wanted to do for a while. Even if I get a 7:30-4:30 kind of job, I always just want to go home and lay on bed at the end of the day. My soul is literally fading at this point and my heart demands that I should make time for the things that I’m passionate about. I’m losing the magic and sadly sometimes I’m not even looking for it.

The thing is, maybe people who give me professional guidance three months ago were right. Maybe I should just concentrate on building my career at 22 until I reach to the point where I can tell myself I’m settled. Maybe I should start saving up money rather spending it like how a Millennial should. I’m beginning to see a vision for myself and I think I should be prioritizing what’s in front of me right now and what I obviously have a good shot at being successful. Because the honest truth is that no matter how hard I try to be a writer and finish as many books as I can, no matter how my heart tells me what I’m passionate about, no matter how much time I invest — the chance of my recognition as a writer is slim to none.

Tonight I made a decision to concentrate on my career and put everything else on hold. One day when I’m financially stable, I can go back in exploring the world and writing tales about it. I need to establish myself first so I can live in a city where I can look for magic again. It might be in Dubai again or Singapore or Hongkong or Australia or Cuba or even coastal places like Maldives or Fiji. Who knows? What I’m certain for sure is that I will not stop working hard until I get a chance to be in a place again where I can feel magic.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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