Good decision

When I’m tired, sleepless, and a bit hungry, it is so easy for me to regret and doubt myself whether I made the right decisions in life. All the could haves and would haves play in my mind like a bad song stuck in my head. But as soon as I place myself in a healthy functioning state, I take back all of them because I know I made a good decision.

To best explain what recently happened in my life, I am like the Zayn Malik of One Direction who pulled himself out of the group. Because like most kids of my generation, I was also stupid enough to realize that I wasn’t happy anymore, that I couldn’t look forward for tomorrow, and that yes I couldn’t find my “purpose”. But unlike most kids of my generation, I had the balls and the Beyoncé swag to say, “Nope! This isn’t working for me anymore.” 

I was brave for taking the risk to get out of the job without even considering whether I had another job to back me up in the city that I was in at that time. When they fired their guns, I took the bullets immediately and became a war hero for myself. At 22, I know that was something I would be proud of one day when I look back.

I made a good decision because I was smart enough to save myself from wasting precious time in an environment I knew I would never prosper and could not help me get further in life few years from now. I made a good decision because I wanted to give justice to the things I worked hard for 5 and half years and satisfy my mind by the end of the day that it was all worth it. I made a good decision because I disconnected myself from the roots that were sucking all the happiness inside of me and made me feel lost along the way. And most importantly, I made a good decision because I wanted to cut my mistakes from continually happening, give a quick solution, and have another shot for redemption.

I feel bad for all the people who believe in me and have faith in me that I could still hold on a little longer. But I love them for giving their best shot to help me fight against all the demons that I had. There’s a need for me to address that I appreciate the endless life lessons and career guidance they give to me and just know know that I am holding them in my mind up until this second promising to remember them forever. 

The best advice I received was, “Failure is when you let what happened to you destroy you and not let yourself stand up again.” 

Maybe there are a lot of things that I didn’t understand at 22. Maybe there are a lot of things I was misunderstood by being 22. But I made a good decision.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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