So this night I was going over my memory box just because I felt like it was the right time to look at the things I put there and remember the memories that came along with them.
Almost all of the contents brought back good memories except for this letter that I wrote on January 30, 2012. It was almost 4 years ago that I pour my feelings in a sheet of paper. It was about this guy I thought I fell in love with at that time. After reading this one page confession, I immediately felt disgusted. Mostly because I know for sure that I will never ever do that same shit ever again. It was strange how hugely different my perspective 4 years ago compared to now. I wish I could have told myself at that time to suck-it-up my feelings because I would soon regret it in the future.
Going over through those kind of mementos made me realize how much things can fast change. It’s true that the person you thought you liked 4 years ago would never be the person you would like right now. I believe that’s the point of growing up – just committing several humiliating craps until you make yourself vomit and finally tell yourself you changed for the better.
By the end of the night I can proudly give myself a consolation that I learned my lesson. I know for a fact that I won’t waste my writing skill over a shallow experience I have with whoever the fuck it will be. I can bravely tell in this blog post that I outgrown the overly emotional guy who used to make artistic craft whenever he felt a bogus romantic experience. I don’t know how or when it happened but I just woke up one day and I learned not to give a fuck on anything anymore. Not that I’m a bad bitch in general but I guess I grew strong emotionally like a badass. I have this thick wall behind an empire that even if you attempt so hard to break you will end up regretting.
Maybe if I have two tiny wishes they would have to be 1) I wish I have spent my teenage years in a way that when I look back I can tell myself that I did just fine. 2) I wish I have became as badass as I am now who won’t give two shits on unimportant occasions.