The Social Game.

I will eat the humble pie and be the first one to admit that my social game in the past has been nothing but terrible. You know how they sometimes say that the people you started as friends with aren’t the people you’re going to be friends with in the end? Well, I’m owning that.

I have been into countless groups of people since I started college. I have tried to fit in, played along with what’s been going on, swallowed my pride when I have been stepped on, attempted to be happy regardless of the situation I was in, made a lot of decision to forgive and forget. In the end, same results as always – leave the group and find a new one. I made myself believe that it wasn’t me who’s to blame but either the circumstances or the people I was dealing with. Until I got tired of guessing which direction to point the blame and simply acknowledge the fact that I had a poor social skills.

I finished college and I was so over with pleasing people and trying to be likeable. I learned to give no shit and it made me realize how liberating it was and how easier life would be if I just stop thinking about other people and just concentrate on my own dealings and care less.

I was put into a test when we went to Coron Palawan where I tried to communicate with other people outside my race. I couldn’t exactly describe the reason why I did that but I knew deep down that I was dying to talk to foreigners ever since who-knows-when. Well, fine, maybe I’m so much attracted into whites — that’s why. But whatever. Anyway so I had the opportunity to get to know some of them in just few hours and even that rare chance of having to interact with different people, I couldn’t help but end up blowing it. I would eventually regret talking to them in the first place and I would feel weird about it. I didn’t know what to do anymore when we were in the middle of it all. That’s the time I knew something was wrong with me and I had to back out and shut down to figure out the cause of what was keeping me on the verge of always losing my social game. I closed the case and told myself to only re-open it when I’m ready to face it.

For the past 7 months, I have been living at home under my parent’s roof. I’m in safe haven. I’m safe and secured in all aspects of life whether it’s physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. When I was in college living in a dormitory, far from vicinity of my parents, alone and sharing room with strangers, I was a completely different person, perhaps worse than I am right now. I worry a lot, I couldn’t control well my emotions, and I was always paranoid. Maybe that was why I hated Manila because I thought the place was giving me all these negativities. However things absolutely changed. Living here in a small town again, it changed my life. My social game improved drastically. My home served to me as my refugee camp where I hid temporarily and figure out how to better my social game.

The tactic was avoiding any other human interaction aside from my parents. Being emotionally unstable and putting myself out there can be a risky move. People can be mean sometimes and that’s the last thing I want to deal with while I’m healing. 80 percent of my improved social relation skill can be pin pointed to my obsession with watching Survivor. Outplaying your fellow castaways is one of the ammos everyone should have when they enter the game so I tell myself it’s something I should learn a lot by simply watching the show. Like what approach to showcase when people back stab you, when they blindside you, when they play you.

People can be nice and cruel at the same time. There’s no way to changing their behavior and pushing them to act the way you want them to act. People will always hurt you no matter what so the only thing you can do is guarding yourself against them. Observe, understand, and think. You have to know when to play tricks and magic before they come and get you. Shoot first and then ask for forgiveness. When they flaming, don’t get burned. Bottomline is, don’t let them hurt you but when it comes down to it, hurt them first and then cover.

My social game is so much better now because I learn and understand peoples’ behavior. I always tell inside my blog that I don’t remember the past. Whatever social game I lost before was long overdue. In dealing with people there’s no one to blame, there’s no reason to chicken out, there’s nothing to act against with. You only need to play along with a group of people. When things are going down, bring out your bag of tricks and think that there’s nothing personal — hurt them first and then cover, play before you get played.

My mindset is way too stronger and wiser. It only takes a few try to break my patience because when my social game is tested I will play the way a tiger catches its prey.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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