Paper guy, paper town.

“She loved mysteries so much that she became one.” –Q

I’ve read Paper Town over 3 years ago and even though I was only seventeen at that time, the book kind of influenced me hugely. The character of Margo Spiegelman was something I would never forget and would forever linger as part of my soul. As for those of you who have no idea about her, Margo Spiegelman was the kind of person who took adventure to a quirky and totally different way. She would live her everyday life revolving around people and becoming big part of their lives, until one day she would mysteriously disappear without any prior notice or at least a hint. Nobody knew exactly why, because nobody figured her out.

There was this only one person I told about how I sometimes felt like I was Margo Spiegelman or that I could be Margo Spiegelman. Her character stuck to me greatly and funny story was I would sometimes experience having this thing I refer as Margo-Spiegelman syndrome. It’s when I wanted to runaway and start over especially when things got rough. There were times in my life in the past that I just wanted to disappear and see who would care. Probably live somewhere far away with enough money and stuffs to do.

I guess recently I’m becoming Margo Spiegelman. Shutting down and hiding in my cave are two things I’m really good at right now. All those people who knew me few months back had no idea what was happening in my life. I didn’t stay much in social media and didn’t post as much information for people to know. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t doing anything, I was actually doing a lot of things that people had no idea about anymore.

Like Margo Spiegelman, I am vastly fascinated with mysteries. I love to read, I love to watch different sort of random documentaries, I love to go out by myself, I love to explore. I am a combination of different characters and random objects and phenomena and persona that sum up to being myself. And it’s funny when people say, “Oh him? Yeah he’s this he’s that.” People claim to know me but really they don’t. And then there are people who would always be so unsure about me that it makes me think: “That’s the reason why we will never have personal connections.”

Margo Spiegelman was an absolute right when she was at the top part of the building, pointed at the view below, and said: “Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too. I’ve lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters.”

Quite frankly I have this feeling sometimes that no one really gets me seriously, no one can’t figure out what’s in my head or how did that thought came in my head in the first place. Because like Margo Spiegelman, I have never once in my life come across with anyone who cares about anything that matters.

Slowly by slowly I was vanishing to everybody’s eyes. I was emerging as a new person people might never know. But that would be unfair and selfish to just disappear completely. And that’s exactly why like Margo Spiegelman, I’m leaving a bread crumb trails behind me. If you want to know me more, this is the place to go. This is my paper town. I am the paper guy who runs this paper town.

I don’t expect anyone to understand me or to care. But if you’re Quentin Jacobsen, you will find me. Even if it will cost you a search party.


Published by

The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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