I feel lonely sometimes. And this is one of those sometimes. There’s no sugar coating the fact that I need saving. I need someone to take me out of this loneliness. I need you.
I have made peace with my friends and it felt really great. They welcomed me with open hands and right then I knew they were the kind of people to keep forever. Too bad I’m faraway from them right now. I guess that’s why it made me think about you again lately. Remember the guy I met online that I wrote about previously? Well jinx got the best of him. He banished all of a sudden without any explanation. I was okay with that. I mean, people come and leave. I got used to it.
I bet you a thousand bucks you’re wondering what went wrong again. I just realized important aspect in my life. Like how it was hard for me to maintain a strong grip on relationship with people. In my defense, I always explain that what I do is the exact reaction that is normally anticipated on a certain situation. So in my mind I am always right because I am always nice to people and when they take that for granted and waste it, I usually walk away without any reconsideration. I hope you’re here with me right now to hear this drama and understand me.
Once in a while I remember the time when I was sitting at a chair in the middle of the night wishing someone would come and pick me up and fly me somewhere to make me feel better. That feeling never fades. I am very fragile, I easily get affected by tiny unexpected things. Like this book I have read 2 weeks ago that still sticked to me no matter what. There was a part there that said something like you see people the way you perceive them but you have no idea how broken and messed up they are from the inside. I guess that’s why a lot of people commit suicide. Nobody figures them out.
I want you to figure me out, every single detail of my life just the same way that I will. I love you babe. I’m sad you’re not here with me.