.01 Dear Future Self

Dear Angelo,

You’ve learned this thing from the book you’ve read a week ago, you know how they say you should write something for your future self when you’re on the brick of losing it so you can remind yourself to hold on for a little longer. Well you are not technically on a massive crack but since you’re feeling a bit emotional about everything, you thought why not give it a try. So here it is.

Let us get the fact straight first so when you read this one day, you’ll still remember what inspires you to write this. First of all, it’s midnight already so no doubt why your emotions are so high. Second of all, you’ve been hearing this song “See You Again” on repeat, you know the OST of “Fast and Furious 7.” The song brings out all the nostalgic or whatever emotion you can’t pin out at the moment. Third of all, you’re starting a fresh new chapter so I guess a lot of things are supposed to be left behind.

You miss your friends. I don’t know if only during this time of the day but I think deep inside you can’t lie that you miss them. It’s true that success is nothing if you have no friends to share them with. I hope that you’ll be able to make amends with them pretty soon because again you badly miss them.

You’re so bored with your life right now it makes you cry sometimes. This is your season, you have owned and proclaimed it ages ago. You’re bound to go out there and enjoy but all you do is sit all day and night reading books inside your room. This is not a happy summer you’ve been fantasizing all year long. You have money and time. Why don’t you use them? I wish you stop holding back and make some memories out there. God’s with you. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Do you remember that promise you made with God? The one when you said you wouldn’t look for any guy for 3 months just for the sake that you’d finish school on time. How’s it going right now? I know I know, it’s going bad. You remember why?

Yup. You’ve been spending some time at Omegle again. And then you met this one guy. His name is Eric. Or so that’s what his name says in his skype ID. It’s funny you haven’t exchanged name with each other yet. You aren’t quite sure with him yet yesterday when you first met him. You know how you easily forgot him as soon as you clicked that escape button. You moved on with your life to spend time with your family and deal with your internal problem. By internal problem you mean losing your emotional stability at check. He was a blurred in your memory. But he messaged you hello this morning and boom bam babe you had double check him already. On the process of your conversation with him you have this subconscious voice telling you you can’t have a strong and deep connection with him. There’s no way it’s happening. You’ve practiced the drill for a million time. You’ve even have some medicine to help you not care so much. I guess a part of your brain’s functioning intelligently because even though you kind of getting so caught up in the moment, something is always preventing you to give up everything you learned. If we are going to assess it at this point. we’re on the 50/50 of losing the battle. You can’t lose falling in love. Let him fall in love and ride with the experience. But you can not, I am telling you, you can not sit with him and enjoy the show. Be strong. If you can’t let this one pass and go, then just let yourself be with it. But be smart and alert. This one will turn out to be bad and messy especially that you made pact with God. Don’t care so much is the bottom line of this part.

Now go ahead and catch a sleep.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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