This is going to be some sort of behavioral explanation about the way I respond to certain situations.
It’s hilarious when people say they don’t understand what’s the reason behind my actions when in fact I have explained to them ages ago what will irk me and what will make my mind so twisted. The problem is not me, the problem is them dumbly forgetting and going on through plans and plans not considering the what-will-be outcome of my behavior.
For example, I repeatedly told this one person how I didn’t want to be in a place where this certian other person I dislike would be. I deliberately expressed my opinion why. And yet, one day she’d be calling me inviting me to hang out with them including this person I don’t like. As a result I would make up excuses to turn her down hoping at the back of my mind she’d eventually get the reason why but she’d pushed me to still go. It got me going like, are you that fucking stupid? Which part of me saying I don’t want to be around with that person that you did not understand bitch? Which part?
To clear my good reputation as a very nice human being living in this earth, I would like to point out that I don’t dislike people for no intelligent reason. I am not that evil. I hate people because I have a good reason to.
Prime reason being they hurt me so much in the past. I forgive but I never forget and I never forget no matter how hard I try. Normally, I would go on in my life with a wiped out memory of that person who wronged me. But the grudge was still there hanging suspended in the air just waiting for the right time to lash out its natural power. I am like an atomic bomb waiting to explode and when the right time comes, I tend to stick on the negative sides and suddenly remember all the shitty things that person did to me. You won’t believe how sharp my memory is to bring out every single detail of every sickening moments that person caused to my life. And so I would explode with no one stopping. The aftermath is horrifying and I care no less.
So it’s better not to try to change my world and hope to make it a better place. I know myself more than you do. Because regardless of how I want to elimiate grudges in my life, I just can’t make it possible at the moment. But one day I will learn how to.
So before you wonder what went wrong, I advise you go read this post. And maybe, just maybe you can make your world a better place.