Group of friends.

I want to believe that I am not destined to have a group of friends rather than owning the idea that I am not good at keeping group of friends. Because no matter how hard I try to give my best to be nice to people all the time, something always happens that drives the friendship to a trash. The usual break-up line doesn’t apply here because to be honest it’s not me, it’s them. Here are the reasons why I withdraw to a circle of peers: 

1. My perception is different from them.
Difference is what ruin everything. I want to start the story from High School. I lead my way to an opposite path from my high school friends primarily because I didn’t want to be stuck up in their idea of the world. My goals and dreams were fifteen times bigger than all of them combined and I felt like if I contained myself within them I would not prosper in the way I want to.
2. I love adventures.
They didn’t. This was my freshman year in college. It was disturbing that I had been in three group of friends in just a matter of a semester. Looking back, it made me realize that a story could easily be plotted by just studying at how it began. I expected college folks to be more outgoing and fun and easy to get a long with. However, the crowd I had been was more of laid back mostly because of financial reasons.
3. They only care about their story.
When I was around seventeen, I met a lot of people who would keep on going telling everything about themselves but when it’s my time to spoke they’d explicitly slap me with the gestures that showed they weren’t interested. It got me going like what the fuck? It was painful that I bear them primarily because I was young and I didn’t know how to counter offend. We could all agree that they fell in the top 3 most horrible people you’d ever meet.
4. They post nasty things on social media.
And surprise surprise you’re the target. It’s like bitch why don’t you say it in my face? Why are you faking to be brave behind your keyboard? Why don’t you grow some balls and spit those shitty words in front of me? Oh yeah coz you got scared bitch. Coz I am bigger than you are. I still don’t get their mentality up until now. So my rule is always try just once to post something against me in social media and we’re done. This principle of mine is no joke because it has been tested and proven for a lot of time.
5. Mean dogs.
An animal is a great metaphor for them because what else would it be? Right? I have came into a conclusion that I have a zero tolerance with people deliberately offend me or do some shits to upset me. Sadly there was a point in my life when I gave people hundred of passes for what they did to me because I was scared I had nowhere else to go. But bitch life is too short to fucking mess with me. So bah bitch bah! They’re the Top 2 most horrible persons in the world.
6. They will avoid talking to you. 
And the funny thing was they’d wonder why I ever stopped talking to them. It’s like bitch didn’t you remember when you were all avoiding me and going to places when I’d not see you? This kind of shit also falls to my “do it once, we’re done.” Because why would  I even waste a time talking to you ever again when you made it pretty clear once that you didn’t want to talk to me? Get some common sense bitch I don’t forget shits you did. 
7. They will make you feel out of place. 
The top of the most horrible persons you’d ever meet. I guess I have a lot of experiences about this that I have decided it’s too much when people do it to me. 5 years of constantly receiving this kind of terrible feeling from people is enough validation to reach to a sad conclusion of leaving. I mean, there are 7 billion other people in the whole world and I don’t want to stick myself to a bad place of peers. I can change friends overnight and I learned to be okay with that. Life is wonderful and I just want to keep on going and never stop.
Lessons.
I learned that a lot of fun things happen when I am not confined into a strictly single place. I am flexible and I can just hop in and share my life to a lot of people. Sure there’s no sense of security but I already have it with God and my immediate family. So what’s the hassle? I have already became comfortable with having no tight friends at all so I am not bothered with the fact that I entered college with no friends and I am leaving college with only 7 friends. Not 7 best friends but 7 people I can truthfully consider as friends. This post will hurt a lot of people but I believe the truth is better expressed. Right now, I feel free and content with my life and I don’t think I’ve ever felt something like this before. I am very happy and that’s all that matters. 
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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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