The weekend you gave me.

Sometimes life just let you experience moments that forces you to write about them.

Perhaps it was one of the greatest weekends of my life.

Saturday night. I didn’t know why I was feeling excited for the next day. I couldn’t really point I finger about it, so when I told my parents that, they just looked at me blankly and maybe even thought how weird I was. There was this important event slash gathering that I had to attend in the morning and so I told myself to call it a day way earlier than my usual bed time.

I wasn’t exactly the morning type of person so basically when I didn’t get a satisfying sleep I would normally start the day feeling irritated. Surprisingly, that early time of the day seemed to be one of the very rare exceptions. I felt totally okay waking up without having a full 8 hours of sleep. I convinced myself that maybe it was imperative for me to leave the house early since what I was about to head into was a truthfully important one. So I let my hormones behaved cooly. I rode a bus for an hour, drowned the sound of the world with my music, stared outside the clear window and allow my mind to wander into random thoughts I no longer remember thinking.

I sighed a relief breath knowing that I was a little early for the call time. There was this two huge green metal doors that I seen once before. I knocked and no one opened it. I heard a beep of a vehicle behind me. I turned around and saw an old pick up vehicle. The driver said to me, “We were late.” I answered with a smile. Later on I realized he was your father. Finally someone opened the door and so I went in. The vehicle passed me and I saw you for the first time. I don’t think I would ever forget that. You were sitting all alone at the far back end of your dad’s pick up truck with black shirt, thick glasses, and a messy long grown hair. You didn’t seem as striking to me at that time so I easily ignored you.

Hours passed and we were in different tables. I was talking to my friends and other people in my table. I guess you were doing the same but I wasn’t really quite sure because I never laid my eyes on you ever again at that time. We all played games for the first time and I remembered my team winning and I was so happy about it. Next game followed and I decided not to join. Only when I scanned the event’s photos I realized you were there playing. But you didn’t win, again. Cause my friend did. Third and fourth game, you joined once more and I didn’t. I guess I wasn’t in a mood to take over the prizes.

One more embarrassing game we were both included, more noise and chatting with people around us, more delivered speeches including mine. I still didn’t acknowledge your existence because honestly there was this one guy I had my eyes glued on. He had thick eyebrows, nice teeth, and sparkling skin. Maybe I did saw you but I wasn’t looking at you.

Not until we were lining up to shook hands and received gifts from the guy who sponsored our tuition fees. I glanced up at your direction, you said hi. I was surprised for a split second so I just said hi back. Moments passed and you haven’t entered my mind yet. That’s how you were not appealing to me. But then you came close to our table, sat on a chair in front of me, and asked me what was an assessment (which was required for us to submit) all about? I told you it was the thing that we get in our school. You said thanks, I nodded, and shift my position back to my new found friends to continue a conversation. Something flinched inside me and I recalled you were the guy who said hi to me. I turned around and saw you were still there so I asked you further questions like which school you came from and whatnots. It turned out you go to the best school in town. From there you caught my full attention. I made a mental note to find you on social media once I get home. You left and head back to your table, I moved on and talked more to the people on my table. After a while I noticed you stood up and joined your father’s company. I looked at my watch and I realized I wanted to go home. I was so determined to leave that I failed to look at you when I said my goodbyes.

Not even an hour passed since I arrived home but I had already tracked you down. I guess the spy inside of me did a great job. I messaged you hey without any second guesses. Plus I added the guy I was crushing on. Overall it was a facebook flirt moves I did right there. When I checked the progress of my actions, I learned that my crush ignored my friend request and so I got a little furious. With that, my only hope for the night was you to message me back.

And so you did by around 9 pm. I panicked when I saw your name popped out of my tablet. I searched my whole vocabulary of an excuse about why I messaged you. Thank God I did it sound and right. You gave me the impression that you were so eager to have a talk with me and so I did my best to present my great conversationalist-self too. We talked for two hours about your school and my other dream that I am passionate about. It was crazy considering we just knew each other for 10 hours but you immediately made me open up to a very confidential part of my mind I never brought up even to my closest friends. I sensed a sort of comfort with you and so that drove our conversation to flow naturally like streams in a river. You gave me pieces of advice regarding my dreams in life and I laughed shortly because I thought it was funny coming from a guy who’s 2 years younger than me. While we were having fun, you didn’t know that on the back of my mind and, well, in my Twitter page too, that paranoia was striking me hard like a whip slap in my back. I was so worried about tiny stupid little things like what if you saw something you didn’t like on my facebook page, or you searched me on Google and got turned off by something you discovered from my humiliating past. If you could read my Twitter posts you’d quickly give a prejudgement about how messed up my mind worked. But that was just me in terms of handling situations like that.

We said goodbyes and I said I wished we could speak more, with each other I mean. You replied sure if there would be time. A small part of me held on to your promise. I did wait for your message the whole day. Al though not in a crazy sick way but of course somehow I was hoping you’d message me again. But the night grew deeper and that’s when I decided you’d never message me again. I moved on with my life like I always did in the past.

It was not exactly a sad story. In fact I thought it was amazing how in few hours of my life someone would come across and gave me the kind of feeling I long forgotten existed in this world. It had been couple of years since the last time I had a genuine adrenaline rush, world-lit brightly moments, mind consuming image of a guy, and a tiny slit of positive outlook. Imagine if I just sat all day in my bed and read book, my life would remain as it was compared to like if I go out there and socialize with strangers. I knew it was a scary unknown feeling communicating with people I never met before, but I guess that’s the point of human system. There are billions of people in this world and we have to constantly keep exposing ourselves with them. To have a story to tell, to have memories to remember, and to have a life to write about.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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