Last year.

Hearing the crickets at night time as I read romantic books, watching the sun sets as memories inevitably come rushing inside my head, napping for a short time in a midday, savoring junk foods outside the house as I watch clouds pass by, boring myself to death as I try to think of what else to do in my life. These are the things that I will miss. Over two weeks of short vacation but it doesn’t feel that short to be honest. It almost seems like a month to me. I don’t know why exactly am I feeling so emotional. Maybe it’s because the bittersweet feelings I always get when my vacation days run out. Or maybe I don’t want to get back to school. Or maybe I have nothing else to worry about that my feelings start to create its own imaginary problem.

It’s my last year in college and I conclude that maybe this is going to be my very last vacation as a student. I’m pretty sure there will be a whole year of trial. I don’t know if I am emotionally prepared for all the brutal challenges that await for me as soon as I start going back to school, but I know I have no other option not to quit. They say it’s not good to quit in the near end. So I am trying my best not to.

It is very easy to map out my last whole year. Everything that’s going to happen is very predictable. All my efforts and perseverance will dictate the outcome of all that I will do for the whole year. As much as possible I just want to focus my attention on my academics and disregard anything that might come along my way. I don’t want any drama among my friends, money troubles, emotional instability, and all those kind of jazz. School is very stressful already and I really have no interest in adding more bullshit from that. I just wish and hope and pray a smooth year of studying really hard.

A combination of prayers, maturity, and a lot of inspirations is the kind foundation that I will surely be needing. It is easy to say that one year is just a short period of time. But I guess the more I try to count it down the more it seems to grow longer and longer. Not to mention the fact that I feel like I’m pretty much stuck up in a suffocating bubble where one tiny wrong move can cause a great deal of poison to me. Probably I need a whole lot of strength and courage and a big emotional support system for me to surpass this year.

No one says it will be easy. In fact I know it will be tough. I pray to God He helps me.


Published by

The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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