.02 This is to you

It’s probably a very long time since I written to you. What? 6 months? I haven’t even given myself a time to think about you. Well, I’m sorry I didn’t. No excuse but life has been a little crazy for the past couple of months. I had emotional breakdown and at first I thought it was just nothing or a phase I would get over eventually but my psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizophrenia and bipolar. I know that’s a sad story nobody wants to hear. I just hope that you’re here with me. I’m sorry but I can’t help not to cry as I write you this. It’s just so lonely you know. Sure I have my family who’s very supportive and friends who really care but sometimes I just think that life would always be better if you’re here. It’s 11:25 pm right now and probably that’s why I’m becoming so highly emotional.

Recently, I have been picturing you again. How I still see you as someone who’s very composed, calm, and of course a natural charmer. I’ve always wanted you to possess those three things basically because I want to have a quiet and peaceful life with you. Just a while ago, I wondered that it was way better to fall in love at a country side than it would have to be when we were in the city. I just felt like that way we were far from trouble and loud vibe the city had to offer. Those romantic story set in places near the lake, beach, and natural palm trees. I guess I want that. We can spend the rest of our afternoon talking about whatnots while we’re looking at a breathtaking view of nature then maybe we can have a walk at the beach an hour before sunset. Sooner we will have our dinner at a local restaurant and then go home to watch television series we both love for a while and finally read books to end the day. I fantasizes that kind of simple life. You and me together at the most romantic weekends.

How long will I have to wait? Is it going to be longer? Am I be writing to you more? In truth, I can’t wait to have our own version of infinity, our own story of forever. Maybe I just fed myself up with too much TFIOS. Even up until now I keep on tearing up about how the story went and ended. In the novel, Hazel Grace Lancaster and Agustus Waters didn’t have that big story of forever. Abruptly their romance ended too quickly in an unfortunate way and event. But still, they had their infinity for a short period of time. Their romance was interesting enough to be considered different from what we see in the movies, from what we read in novels, and from what we hear in real life stories. For me, their fiction tale is something we can consider as contemporary fairy tale. It mirrors what’s happening in today’s generation. A lot of times people keep on making big perfect romantic stories so much they forget its already far from the truth. Not only that it was unbelievable but also the stories they create sadly can never happen in reality. So I guess my writing to you goes deeper and deeper already but I hope that’s what you would love about me. That I’m very deep and strange person.

I miss you so much already is what I am trying to say after all. You know that I will love you dearly, and as I have said to my friends that I will do my best once we be together.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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