Summer of 2013.

ImageToday is 1 June 2013. Today marks the reality that I only have few more days before school starts. Today makes me a little bit emotional because I know sooner I have to leave this safe haven. Today I have to begin enjoying and making everyday count.

As always, the brief time between vacation and school is bittersweet — I believe I have used the word bittersweet every single time I’m on vacation and counting my vacation days left. Half of the feeling kind of makes me want to extend more whatever time I have left. I guess it’s always hard to let go whenever I already set my foot on a very comfort zone. I feel like anything can go wrong as soon as I leave, or so to say, I feel unsafe when I’m not home. On the flip side of it, the feeling is somehow exciting because I get to see my friends again, I get to have my city life back, and I get to work on my life independently. But, weighing what’s more important, I will always and forever then choose the former.

Couple of weeks before summer commences, I have already sealed my final decision of not attending summer classes. I have make peace with every possible options. Fortunately, I am given the chance to have a full three months of vacation.

For the first two college years, I have been very punctual enough to go for summer classes. Primary reason I guess is because I am newbie in college world and as you know I have gotten the tendency to try new things and see what happens. I am thirsty of new experiences and adventure. Also, I have decided I have nothing to do for full three months at home and eventually I would just bore myself to death — this is the time where I can say that I have not known myself yet and I have no concrete ideas what I really want to do in my life. My hobby is trying different things and nothing else. If anything, of course I have not regretted those decisions I have created. But, sadly, I have missed some major and important things in my life.

Major and important events like:

1. My grandfather’s last days on earth. Summer of 2011, my whole family is already mourning to the fact that my grandfather’s doctor has announced he’s not going to make it any longer than any normal human life form can go. Every life of family member is still going  on the usual way but of course they have to stop for a little while and give attention to my grandfather. Except for me. I am so busy enjoying new things in my life I suddenly forget the importance of family.

2. The luxury of having a pause in life. Summer of 2012, I am totally devastated because I am awfully heartbroken. I have decided I have gone through the worst part of my life, which in later year I would look back and say I am wrong. By this summer I do not want to have a long vacation because I am afraid I am just going to depress myself to death by thinking of my tragic love story — Technically it is not a love story but since I expect a lot, I consider it nevertheless. I am so occupied trying to make myself busy I have failed to make some time for myself and reflect.

This year though, I know without any second guess, I need to make thing right. Al though nobody is dying and I have no major heart issues, I still have to reserve time both to my family and myself. For all I know, this is the going to be the last summer of my life because next year I will be going to internship and the year after that I will say hello to the real life.

I am happy for almost three months of spending time at home. I will never trade the time I have spent with my family — it’s not perfect and sometimes I hate them but it’s the best. I will always treasure the opportunity of having the time to think for myself and be idle — it’s not adventurous and sometimes it gets boring but it’s the best.

At least to say, Summer of 2013 gives me the greatest hits of my life. Summer of 2013 is the Best Of Times.


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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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