All too well.

ImageI am willing to apologize for blocking him both at Facebook and instagram. I know what I did was flat-out rude and immature. But it was the best possible way of getting over him. Still, I apologize, truly.

.Before we dig deeper, I want to take this rare chance to explain my side. So frankly, I don’t work well with having a normal communication, either constantly or occasionally, to a person who I can blame for tearing my heart into pieces. Al though I am not putting him into a very bad image granted that I have also several faults in this story. Still, I have had my heart broken and you can’t take away the taste of bitterness from me. So I blocked him in the middle of Valentine’s Day.

It was for too many reasons why I did that. I couldn’t remember all of those reasons. I just knew I had to do it. On top of everything, I was upset and disappointed and defeated. 

I was upset both to him and to myself. In addition to his excuses, I didn’t like how he asked me for lunch always. It was always wrong timing. Either I was not around near to him or it was already too late. I was upset for forcing myself not to text or call him every single minute of the day when in fact I would just end up talking to him over the phone and got pretty devastated right after.

 I was disappointed big time. He took me for granted. Not that I was one in a million or something but I did all my best to let him know that I appreciated him. I felt like all my efforts were underestimated or worse disregarded most of the time. I pride myself with a lot of good words both from my friends and myself. I knew I was somehow an eligible bachelor and the complete package and the total catch and all that. However, I didn’t understand why he treated me less than I expected or even deserved. Again, I felt like I was underestimated.

I was defeated. Not only that we didn’t end up together happily ever after like what you heard from fairy tales time to time, but also I knew up front that I was just a bubble in his story who suddenly popped out. What I mean was, he already had a love interest as far as I was concern or as far as my research was right. I hated the fact that he still entertained me. If I were him, I would immediately politely say: “I appreciated your admiration but I was not available at the moment.” Unfortunately however, I were not him.

If there was only one thing I regretted here. It was risking my emotions or feelings. Most of the time I was worried with my acts or what might happen. I was consumed thinking how to show the best side of me to him. Overall, it was a messy experience. I somehow lost my dignity in this battle. Funny, how I changed my mind in a single snap. 

It was Valentine’s Day as I already mentioned. I was upset, disappointed, and defeated. I received no greetings from him whatsoever. Actually, I didn’t sent him any greetings whatsoever too. So I thought it was fair. I was at my rage of my worst emotions. I blocked him, I deleted all our photos together, I erased his numbers or any thread of him. It all happened all at once. 

I felt really bad for what I did. I was sorry for doing that. In as much I would want to try to fix things. I thought, how could a person accept you or even give you a second chance if you did something rude and immature to him in the first place? I thought it was too impossible to put things the way they used to be. (1:42 AM)

 

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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