I’ve never felt this extraordinary sweet feelings for years, and now it’s all coming back with an enormous surprise. This time, however, is far different from what I have been through before. I am certain that now is the time I have long been waiting for. The feeling of being a hundred-year-older instantly disappears. The loneliness, bitterness, and frustrations are all gone. I have finally found somebody whom I like and surely likes me too.
To be squarely fair with my awfully wrecked and damaged heart, I have sealed a contract with God that I’m no longer asking for a man to give a color on my world and I’m instead just letting everything in God’s hand when it comes to romantic stuffs. The deal, to my surprise, punctually works even before I turn eighteen. I can’t pin out why I’m not in particular shape anymore to seek or crave for a man’s attention. Everything in my life turns out to be functioning normal. I live my life almost everyday thinking of something that I need to focus my attention with. No more over-thinking why I’m lonely. No more prejudging why no one is attracted to me.
Or, the fact that I’m quite busy chasing my dreams and showing the whole wide world what can I offer to it is one thing to consider why my attention automatically blows off into different direction. I have been too much busy working for my audition at a reality television show, too busy creating my youtube videos and thinking what would be the next video, too busy about what to put inside my blog, too busy reading novels, having photo shoots, wanting to sleep. To sum up, my life has been pretty much going into this wonderful direction.
Until then, I have met a Pakistani guy at the internet, who lives at London. (Now you’re guessing why I have been so great with Brits lately.) Anyway, at first, I somehow notice that there is something in him that sticks, although he hasn’t blown me away at that moment our paths come across together. Party because I’m currently not into flirting with some random strangers and partly because, as to repeat, I’m so damn busy. In this moment already, I want to make it clear that we are not in a relationship and therefore he is not my very first boyfriend. He likes me, and I like him. We’ve said that rare vows to each other, but we haven’t decided to put ourselves into some more complex situation. We are happy at the way we are and I can work on that.
And to finally discuss how myself is going: I am at the bliss of thunderous fulfillment. Sound as poetic as it is but, I haven’t eaten with composure at some point in my life. So, I guess, and I have to admit, that yes, might cheesy to say, I’m in love.
Totally in love that this is the very first time that I have the right to claim it. I am so overwhelm that saying a million thanks to God isn’t enough.
With all these happy things I’m currently going through. I can’t hide my worries. I know there is nothing to be gained by worrying now and then. Yet, I worry still. Like, what might happen when in time I have to get back in school, which is already pretty sooner. Will I still have time for him? Or, will I still have time for myself and with my studies? Also, sometimes, it worries me when I message him. I fear he might discard my message and that it may hurt me once again. But it’s a weird feeling when all the worries suddenly evaporates as soon as he gets to message me with even more concern. Sure enough it makes me realize that caring someone and having him care you back is one of the most precious thing in the world. I know how pathetic as it appears, but I don’t know? I feel like, because of him, the world suddenly lights up.