Eighteen

ImageOne month from now I’ll be surely turning another year older, this time with a little special twist since I will be reaching my legitimate years finally. As I see days pass through, I’m slowly trying to intake the reality that I will be, sooner rather than later, leaving my careless teenage years – which of course is a mix emotion. More or less, this is somewhat a bittersweet feeling, like saying sweet goodbyes to a great friend whom I just have known for a bit period of time. In fact, writing this already breaks my heart. But whether I like it or not, I still have to open my doors to new and endless possibilities of being a legitimate teenager.

The question of, “Have I enjoyed my past years,” needs to be explained further here with accurate details.

Academically speaking, I say yes! Everyone knows it, for I have received piles of recognitions during my old school days. In layman’s perception, being a geek does directly correspond to a very prim and strict life, which is true. Also, being a geek implies that the only things that matter to him are books, reports, and other extra-curricular activities he does on school, which is exactly false. My family and some of my closest friends know that I have enjoyed my life as well. Despite the enormous time that academic activities require, I still make it to a point that I give myself some extra time to relax, play, and see how the beautiful the world is. Although I might not convince anyone with this, but I am very confident with myself that I truly know the definition of pleasure and enjoyment.

In terms of social status, I think I say yes somehow.  Even though I have these anti-social type of personality and social awkwardness whatsoever. I know for sure I have met some great people in my life who touch and inspire me so deeply. It’s true that I only have small number of friends but at least I have. The only problem arises is, if people measure social status based on going to bars, drinking alcoholic drinks, having fun breaking someone’s heart, discovering the benefits of sex, smoking whatever things, and all the worldly pleasure of an experimental  teenager you can probably imagine, then I’m afraid I lose here. I’m afraid I haven’t enjoyed my social life. Or so I’m afraid I don’t have a life at all. But there’s also one problem, that’s not the way I believe enjoying life is. We are all born different, we grow up and perceive things differently. Therefore, how I see and enjoy life is clearly different from others. And deciding to live my life in a separate way is no exception. I stand to believe that things are supposed to happen in the exact right time. I have an excuse not to hurry because I have my life ahead of me. Besides, I have an organization and, as I repeat, tiny circle of friends. So I’ve guaranteed myself strongly that I am very much happy in this state.

 In the romantic point of view, I have to admit no. Sad to say, love has only brought nothing in my life but all mess and disappointments. It’s not that I’ve already closed my heart for any rare chance of falling in love once more. I just realize that maybe now isn’t the perfect setting yet for romance. I have almost always been hurt every single time I fall in love. I don’t think I’m that prepared to have another painful one. Finding love is very much unsuccessful for me so I’m guessing I temporarily pass for this subject. It is a hard thing to make, I know. But I have to accept it eventually. Hopefully, I get to move another step in my life even without romantic stuffs inevitably (cross finger).  After all, I’m a big boy now. I know I can do this. Anyway, since I have already pointed out earlier my belief that things are supposed to happen in the exact right time. I have an excuse not to hurry because, again, I have my life ahead of me.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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