The feeling is more than depressing.

 I envy those people who go home after school everyday and see their family. I wonder how fulfilling it is for them to be able to experience that. How I wish I can feel that kind of exquisite feeling in which all the exhaustion automatically diminish as soon as I occupy the same space that my parents occupy. But no, because I can’t afford to go for an eight-hour of travel daily. This reality alone already makes me even sadder.

As usual, I reside at the only place where a regular student can afford — a dormitory. 

Living at a dormitory also means I have to share a room with people I hardly know in the first place. Same as the fact that I have no choice but to stomach their inappropriate behavior and mostly unethical way using a common area. And since my mom is only earning a rightful amount, I guess I have no right to ask for a room that I can entirely call as my own. Meanwhile, I have to remain at this very challenging state. After all, if I have to look at the amenities of the place I’m currently staying at, everything is clearly fine already — functional room kitchen, expensive-looking inside-the-room bathroom, a comfortable bed, nice cabinets, a studying area at rooftop, a strict security, cool-speed wifi, and an accommodating lounging area for guests. So what else I seem to be wanting for more? — Well, maybe if I have no roommates whatsoever, my life would be grand.

Also, this plain and gray feelings that living at a dormitory gives is truly unbearable. You know how hard it is to go home after a hectic and shitty day from school? That frustrating moment when you feel helpless and there is no one to talk to? Some random moments when the night approaches and you pretend that you don’t feel any solitude and that you’re fine when in fact you’re really not? It is more than depressing.

 I want to put the room that I own way back in my hometown. Or so I want to put my family in here.

I, too, want to go home after school everyday and see my family. I want to experience that fulfillment. I want to be able to feel that kind of feeling in which all the exhaustion automatically diminish as soon as I occupy the same space that my parents occupy. But the answer will always be no, because I can’t afford to go for an eight-hour of travel daily. 

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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