I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. (pt.1)

 I’m aware to the idea that not all people can handle my attitude whatsoever. Or perhaps they can’t handle the truth that they can never change the way I run my life. Which, of course, makes them even madder. To begin with, I don’t like being told what to do. For the reason that I’m not obligating people around me to do whatever I tell them to do. I suggest, yes. But there’s a huge space between suggestion and command. Further to my very rebellious principle. Here are other things that people don’t like much about me:

1.I stand firmly to what I believe is true. This exactly gives some clash between me and other person. I don’t entirely care about socially accepted norms or social standards whatsoever. I create my own beliefs without considering the general opinion. I’m not that kind of one who usually goes with the mainstream. It drives me nuts when people try to convince me that their views are better than what I have. For me that’s off and certainly unethical, because I, for one, let other people live with their beliefs — whether they’re an atheists or not. Blacks or whites. Asians or Westerners. Republicans or Democrats. etc. I may not believe with what they believe but at least I respect their liberty.

2. I’m obnoxious. I, mostly, say things that are inside my head, whether a good or a constructive yet harsh criticism. This occurs when I’m at my bliss of happiness, in a hurry, or simply upset. I can’t and do not have any intention to deflect my obnoxiousness. It doesn’t only give flavor to my personality but it is my creative way of saying things that people need to hear. At times when my aura is neutral, I can still control myself which results to people’s feeling being comfortable.

3. I’m gay and very sensitive about it. There was once this event in my life that pushed me to my limit and stood up for my right. It was a time when these people I trusted with all my heart and considered as friends (well, some of them still count as my friends) obligated me to join their wonderful concept of gay pageant. Of course it was awkward for me and all since I was a non-cross dresser type of gay. Plus the fact that I wasn’t comfortable with cross dressers. At first, I used my technique of calming myself down in the hope of settling everything in a very civilized manner. To my surprise, it didn’t work out so well. Then, I tried to convince them, with all the composure left inside of me, that it wasn’t my thing and perhaps they already knew that. But instead, they just simply gave me a silence. I could feel that they were really determined to put me in the competition. Finally, someone suggested that the pageant was the way of “promoting homosexuality.” My lovely friends didn’t really get me. Until I heard some murmur adding, “For fun.” — to promote homosexuality for fun? That was the moment that I did burst out. My anger was on top of me, my stomach hurts, I was kind of feeling hot and wanting to shoot a hard slap at someone’s face. Thank God, I was still a good human being that time for letting loads of shits passed without anyone getting hurt. To explain the anger felt, in the point of view of a homosexual, people need to understand that although gays are some sort of minority of the total population of human race, we still have some rights not to be embarrassed and humiliated in public or elsewhere. People or my friends in this particular matter need to realize that as thousands and millions of gay activists fight for our equality, “advertising homosexuality for fun” can never be consider as a big help in the process. After everything anyhow, I ended up delivering my big apology in front of them, which of course was sincere. However, I noticed meanwhile that there was no even single amount of something created to induce the damage they did on my part.

…..to be continued.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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