Enlightenment

 I’ve gone into this part of my life in which I can say that I am not up for any romantic bullshits anymore. It may sound pretty much ironic, but it is what I have deliberately thought about these past few days. I’ve passed a lot of self-inquiry and social observations. Until I come up with this new wonderful conclusion of mine. Maybe it’s the right time to stop looking for something that is potentially not going to show up and instead start acting to what I am really created for.

As I haul and look at the general picture of my life. I can say, without a doubt, that I am somehow happy and satisfied for whatever I have as of now. I may not have everything in this world, but still I’m grateful that I have everything I need.

Truth be told, love is such a messy thing. It changes everything – your standpoint, and even your worldview in life. In worst cases, it ends up wrecking someone else’s life. So I see no reason to put myself in a place where I can be hurt. I’ve personally witnessed that inside my own family – my mother to be specific.

She, my mom, has produced two offspring from two different men. To which she has ended up with none of them and in fact settles down with another one. Perhaps an old chestnut insists that a tree bears its genetic fruit no matter what. That old-fashion social belief has to learn that there is an exception right here – and that’s me.

Repeating the same mistake isn’t acceptable as an excuse. I am certain that I am smart, not only academically but also in inventing wise decisions. Learning from all of these, even though outside the scope of my personal experience, makes me even clever. The fact that I have already forced myself to avoid adoring someone who has no intention of being attracted to me as well is my final straw to road of righteousness.

Before, I always invest emotional risk, only to find out that the price won’t be worth it in the end. I exhaust myself with this. Until I take some break in my life to contemplate, slow things down, and pause for a moment. There, at the very center of my bed as I lay and glare for a long time at the ceiling, I realize: In love, it can never be one way or another because foremost, it takes two to dance tango.  

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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