What’s wrong with me?

 I don’t clearly understand why I always get  infatuated with a person who has no capability of loving me back or at least has the guts to be attracted with me as well. This tremendous problem of mine isn’t an unusual issue anymore, I know. The idea of me almost falling in love with a straight guy all over again is in fact overrated. Which is why I’m all the way down right here once more to discuss this psychological conflict.

Before I commence to introduce this another guy that I find interesting, let me just say that I’m totally over with (insert name here) and (insert name here). Both of them have their wonderful love stories already and I’m not that kind of person who go after their relationship, ruin it, then laugh endlessly as I execute my secret plans successfully. Although I can’t deny the fact that I have been hurt when I have heard the news that (insert name here) has finally settled down with his first girlfriend, who happens to be a little close friend of mine. I believe I have no right to further discuss my sentiments about that first girlfriend. After all, I have moved on or rather trying to stomach the reality that some people think it’s better to tell you sweet lies so you won’t get hurt — That’s how others mentality go. 

Anyway, let’s get back down to business. After a two consecutive failures of investing a romantic feeling, here I am again, certain enough that I have found a new object of my adoration. As if ready to give a thunderous bliss of affection. Moreover, this new man who catches my attention is also a library junkie like me, except that I stay longer inside the library than him. Granted that we both share one organization, I’m pretty much sure that I will see him occasionally, which is a benefit on my part. Sure enough we’ll be sharing opinions about organization activities since we are also both officers of the organization, only that I have a higher rank than him. In spite of his height, (5’3″ if I’m not mistaken) I still find him cute and adorable. He has this bubbly type of personality and I, for one, learn that he speaks romantically. I wonder what his voice sounds like all over the phone. I hope he can call me one of these days or even sooner. 

Unfortunately, we aren’t close and the hope of a future closureness with him is beyond impossible. I know he finds me intinmidating and suplado, as everyone calls it. But even if we have the chance to get intermingling, I’m compeletly aware that he is straight and therefore unavailable to be my first bachelor.

At this point, this is the main problem that I’m facing right now. I don’t get happily satisfied unless I make sure that the person I am attracted to will become my boyfriend. I understand that it is sort of ridiculous, but that’s how my stupid mind works. And I’m trying all my might to avoid that but it haunts me back from time to time.


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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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