Can’t breathe without a man.

 I can’t be settled down for good unless I make sure that I’m putting a guy as a subject of my desire. It has always been my problem. I find it comforting when I chase a guy and later learn that he is not or perhaps he will not be in to me. Next thing I know, I’m already producing melodramatic emotions.

I pressume it is just simply a temporary phase for me. That I naturally crave for affection most especially at my vulnerable age. However, at random times, I notice that I usually jump from one guy to another. Trying to know if my flirtious generosity might work for them. Although I might sound like a bimbo, I want to make it clear that I am, without a doubt, a human with a pure and wholesome soul.

In fact, I’ve never had a romantic relationship before, not by choice, but because nobody is just simply into me. By this, I mean no straight guy has ever find me interesting. I’m tired of asking myself: “What’s wrong with me?” Because I know for sure that there is nothing wrong with me. I’ve gone into this far in my life in which I can prouly say that I am the total package. Yet, the question hangs still — Why?

I don’t want to be digging out about that mystery. No guy wants me — fine.

What I can guarantee is that, the first guy who will ask for my hands will be as luckier as he will ever thought. Of course, I don’t mean that I will pamper him with everything he will need. I’m not that kind of person. What I’m trying to say is, I will make sure to protect him and give him the level of love he has never experienced before. Sounds poetic as it turns out but I will, in short, make sure that he will be the luckiest man in the world. (Consult my circle of friends for further explanation why.)

So if there is something to blame behind my, excuse my word, desperation towards guy is the fact that I lack of attention with men. You see, I have grown up inside a house of all numbers of women. I have no older nor younger brother. I have been raised without the presence of my father.

I doubt if this is just a simple temporary phase of my teenager years. I’m afraid this isn’t just a short term craving for men’s comfort. This is already a constant attachment to my personality. The fact that I won’t be ever happily satisfied unless until I am in a relationship with a man I like, will forever linger as a part of my life.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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