I am certain that romance is the next thing that I want to own this 2012. It’s what I use to pray every night. Sadly, it doesn’t come around no matter how many efforts I have already exerted. I grow exhausted with loneliness everyday, as if it’s the only companion that is left in my life. Tears are literally flowing in my eyes as of now and having a self-pity at the same time. Do I deserve to be in a miserable situation like this? Sometimes I wonder, if being gay means staying alone forever, I’d rather be dead. The point is, I don’t ask to be gay. I just born and sooner realize that this is my sexual orientation. It’s the same way straight people grow and realize they’re straight. But why do I get all of these jinx?
A point of time like this makes me think to just end my life since all it brings is unfairness. I hear people say, “Why don’t you try to be straight? Just give yourself a chance.” Can I just say that next time you say it to me, just shit on my face. Because I can rather accept it than obligate me to do something impossible. Homosexuality isn’t like a shirt that you can decide when you want to wear this one and that one. Once you’re gay, you’re gay! And please don’t you dare add something that goes like this, “Ahm, Why would other gay person can fuck a lady and create a family? (Oh, this rhymes)” Yes there are some gays that can stand to see a vagina but believe me when I say that once they see a penis, it’s too impossible if they don’t run for it and take it for granted because as I have said: “Once you’re gay, you’re gay.” It just so happen in my case that dick is the only thing I want and not vagina. Some guys like guys, get over it!
Going back to my sentiment, I have lowered my standards when it comes to male, however, my epic search for a romantic partner still fails. It seems like even the ugliest man in the world can’t give a second look on me. You can’t blame me for acting like shit. For seventeen years, none of the men that I have liked has ever thought that I am attractive nor I fit to him nor the one he’s looking as well. I don’t see anything worst in me. Then, I think, no one really can give the fairytale that I deserve.