Attraction ends.

28 January 2012

Can I claim that I’m emotionally damaged though I’ve never been into a relationship? If so, then I have to say that I’ve been fucked up not only once but twice in just a matter of one month. The recent is the worse blow. Remember the last time I write something that tells the story of how stupid I am to be emotionally addicted to that guy who exhauts me from his monosyllabic response on mobile? Well, I just have done it again, but with a different guy this time. I know that I’m a complete idiot, that my conscious mind doesn’t function well, and that I need to see a doctor for that matter. I’ve heard that many times with myself and you don’t need to rub it in.

Here’s a little sneak peak of how I’ve gotten myself into that fuckery. Actually, it’s a couple of days after I’ve decided to stop chasing that stupid guy who I use to have short talks with, when out of the blue, this another guy which I choose not to name, saves me from an aftershock catastrophe. As everyone knows I cling to him like a child embraces a leg of his parent so hard whenever he’s frightened. I am not going to bore you with details of how we (me and the second guy) gets along with each other. Instead, let me just say that I fall in love with a straight guy, again. (Not to mention that this time is even harder to handle compare to the prior one.)

Yeah! I fall in love already and there’s a deep serious emotion involve. In fact, I even write his name on my cabinet as a proof of how I’m grateful he has arrived in my life. After all, you can’t blame me. He’s genuinely nice and he uses to have conversation with me knowing the fact that I am gay. The only reason he amazes me is the idea that no guy has ever attempted to have a constant conversation with me before. Unfortunately, I am just way too stupid to look beyond kindness. Again, I am not going to tell you how my failed fairytale occur because that just humiliates me.

The fact that I can say all of these words very nciely is a proof that I’ve learned an incredible amount into every single shits I’ve been through. So allow me to give you what I realize from the whole month of being a total psycho:

1. Doubting someone’s sexuality doesn’t reassure me that there’s a huge possibility that he’s gay too. Look what happen to me? I assume there’s a chance between us since my gaydar works to him. However, I just end up finding out he’s planning to date a girl. Fuck right?

2. Next time, I am going to make sure first that the person who interests me must be attracted to me as well before I start to make some extra effort because the last time, my creativity has just thrown in the trash.

3. I’m far too pretty to waste my time looking for a fairytale at a wrong place. So I have to jump out to the next chapter. Attraction ends. Bam.

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The Queer Diary

How did this whole thing started in the first place? Well I think ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to express myself . Sure I could have picked painting, singing, dancing, playing instruments, crafting, or any of those lovely forms of artistry as a medium for me to channel my thoughts and emotions, but in writing is where my heart belongs. Technically, I had no degree in writing but that doesn't make me less of a writer. I have no idea what the future has in store for me but I've always known deep down in my heart that I want to write. P.S. if you reach this site then please know that I am thankful that you give time for this and that you like to read. Also, no matter what you're going through, believe me when I say things will get better.

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